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Reading B: Inferno
For reading B I decided to focus on the story Jason and the Demons. This story was written in multiple parts. By doing so it added a lot of...
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This is my senior year and wow am I tired. I am a Biology Pre-Medicine major in a constant battle of trying to have a social life while als... -
20 years ago, in Dallas, Texas, three daughters were born to a wealthy man named Paul Parker. James had one of the largest commercial real-e...
Hi Kaylee! I really like the plot of your story. It is something I have not seen before and it is super intriguing. For my suggestions, I would add maybe a page splitter or line a long line to separate your intro from your author’s note. I was a little confused reading it at first because I thought it was going to be a story but then it all made sense and it leads to a really fun idea for a storybook! The only other suggestion I have is to provide a link to your comment wall maybe on your homepage or in the introduction! I have read other introduction posts that were a lot shorter and less detailed than yours and I suggested that they make their introduction longer, so I’m happy to see that you put so much detail into your intro. Really great job and I can’t wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Kaylee, I really enjoyed your futuristic twist on the Biblical story of Noah! It is a very enticing story and definitely keeps the attention of the reader. I like how you combined elements of the Biblical story of Noah with characteristics of end-of-world stories, such as gathering the richest and smartest people, etc. I think you could add an extra layer to your story by describing the bunker. Since the storybook is titled “Dr. Noah’s Bunker”, I feel like you might want to focus/describe the bunker more. I think adding details about the bunker sets you up for future stories. Also, you may want to mention your idea of where you are going to take your storybook (i.e., what other stories are you going to include?). Regarding your overall website, I think it might be beneficial to add a purpose statement of sorts; briefly explaining the purpose and focus of your storybook. This may have to entice readers. Overall, I really enjoyed your introduction and am excited to continue reading your storybook.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaylee, I was excited reading your introduction because it is one of the first stories that I have read that has a unique twist to Noah's Ark. I also liked how you set the story to take place way into the future and how Noah is a scientist who is very intelligent. My favorite part was when after the disaster occurs and Dr. Noah and the people he gathered were able to build a new society. I think you could add another layer to the story by going into depth about the bunker since I did not see any mention of a bunker in the story unless you were referring to the place where he does his research on planets and space? You also might want to leave out the part where you mentioned his biggest trouble was building protection that is able to withstand extreme conditions because I feel like since you said that then it contradicts building the new society with the wealthiest and smartest people since that would mean that they can afford resources needed to build a strong society. Overall, I like where your story is going and can't wait to see the outcome of it in the end.
ReplyDeleteHey Kaylee! The futuristic take on a classic story is a fun adventure. I enjoyed that Dr. Noah's work is extremely complex and difficult for the average person to grasp, as I'm sure many people would write him off as a lunatic if this occurred in the world instead of in a story. How did Noah decide to divide up the workload? I'm curious if anyone threw a fit over the task they were assigned, especially since these were some of the richest and smartest people on the planet. I can envision at least a few of them throwing their arms up and claiming that gathering food was such a trivial use of their skills. I would have loved to be in a room where these decisions are being made, just so that we could see the chaos and reactions that would inevitably occur. I really enjoyed the story, I'm excited to see where else this takes us!
ReplyDeleteLooking at the previous comments, it looks like you may have done a major overhaul on your website/story layout. Kudos to you for having the nerve to make some big changes! I think you've got a great story concept and your introduction and first story have set it up nicely. I'm excited to see where this goes! I do question the feasibility of a single floor housing a pair of every single species on the planet, but given the path we're currently on there may not be that many left by 2030, let alone 3030. Besides, it's fiction! The most important thing thing that I noticed is that you don't have a link to your comment wall on the home page! Also, the "LInk to:" labels don't really fit with your writing style. For lack of a better phrase, it 'kills the vibe'. I would also consider moving the link to Noah's Ark from the home page to the Author's note page. Good luck with your second story!
ReplyDeleteHi Katie!
ReplyDeleteI would recommend placing a link to the comment wall in the site home or introduction page for easier access.
I love the premise of your storybook, and I had a nice chuckle over the three graduate students standing in for Ham, Shem and Japheth. The academic community and government bureaucracy can be daunting for fledgling technology, and while it's a bit of a stretch to consider that NASA wouldn't be on top of this, there's no guarantee our future world will function with the same structure of communication between scientists.
I would love to hear more about the world of the future, and the technology that basically replaced God. Did Noah design it himself? Is he an outcast from the scientific community? Does anyone at Cornell believe him, or even work with him in any capacity?
I'm also hoping that some kind of closed ecological life support system will be used, as the world could change tremendously and there's no guarantee even sunlight will reach the bunker once the asteroids hit. Keeping everything alive without outside nutrients or sunshine is technically feasible, even if only for a short amount of time. Here's a site I love, detailing the science behind all the science fiction I thrived on as a child:
http://www.projectrho.com/public_html/rocket/lifesupport.php#id--Closed_Ecological_Systems
Really fun work! Thank you, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
Hey Kaylee!
ReplyDeleteYou have such a creative storybook and I cannot wait to read more. The whole theme is such a cool idea and you execute it so well. The story is definitely very compelling. If there was one thing I would suggest, it would be more inviting if there was more on your coverpage, it is quite plain and a lot of white blank. It could be cool if you put a little overview or maybe wrote about your inspiration for the storybook on it. You could even just move your author’s note to the front page so people know from the beginning what is happening. Also, your introduction seems a little short so maybe you could preview what is to come more in it. The Bunker part is so good though! It seems like I am reading about some new action film and I really enjoyed it.
Hi Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteYou have a really interesting storybook topic. I think that you've got an interesting to do a modern take on Noah's ark. At first, when I read the intro, I thought that he was going to be saving everything in a spaceship-ark. But I like that you did the underground version, because it's a little less on the nose, and I think that you'll get to have lots of creative freedom. I can't wait to see what you do with it! great job
Hi Kaylee!! I really love your modern take on Noah's ark! I love dystopian fiction and have thought about how I would build a bunker if I ever needed to, not that I'd really be able to do it probably, but it's fun to think about what you'd actually need to survive something like what you've come up with. Your first two stories are really good and I can't wait to see how your version turns out!
ReplyDeleteHi Kaylee! The title of your storybook really intrigued me. The introduction sets up the storybook very nicely. I enjoyed reading Disaster Strikes. I think that you have a lot of great content throughout this story. Have you considered changing up the way that the characters say their dialogue. For instance, in the story you say “said Carl, Said Dr. Noah, said Austin and Olivia”. I think that changing it to “’I have everything we need, I just need some help moving it all in,’ Carl frantically said” could add more description. You could do different adjectives or dialogue tags and beats throughout the story! Also, I think that adding a photo or image would do a lot for your story. A simple image can create a break within the story while also adding a visual aid. Maybe you could include an image of a bunker! I really like the way that you ended your story. It makes me want to know what will happen next! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHello Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI was drawn to your page because of the title. My first thought was that maybe you were writing your story from the Bible stories about Noah. Surprisingly you were! You have such a cool idea to write your stories in this way. I never thought about Noah studying astronomy and analyzing planets. As I was reading the "Bunker" story, all I could do is picture Noah walking around with a stick and a long beard, talking to Dr. Matthew . You did a great job using meteors instead of water to pose a threat to society. It reminded me of a twist of Noah's story and the dinosaur age. Supposedly meteors destroyed them. I was not sure who Dr.Matthew was supposed to be from the original story.
Hi Kaylee!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first got to your site I looked at all the images you had picked. They are all fantastic. I think you chose images that really help a reader visualize a story better. Great job on that.
I also liked that you added links to all your stories on the home page.
I think your introduction was a great setup for the rest of the stories. It introduced the story line and many characters without giving too much away. The only thing I would say is to maybe add a hook at the end. While it setup the stories nothing really pushed me to want to continue reading the other stories.
I think the end of your first story had a good hook and made we want to read more to see if they could build the bunker and save everyone.
Overall, I really enjoyed your site. Good luck on the rest.
Hi Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteGood job on your storybook!At this point you seem to have finished the whole thing, so congrats. As you do your last revisions I just have a couple points of feedback for you. As I read, I couldn't help but wonder about the characters thoughts and emotions throughout this process. Obviously this is a life altering event which makes me believe emotions must be running high. What if you added in some narration describing how your characters are feeling or what they are thinking.Some questions to consider when writing about their emotions could be; What made the graduate students join Dr. Noah? How is his wife dealing with this? Do they try to convince others to come with them? Why won't the others go just in case Dr. Noah is right. What is it like to hide in the Bunker? Adding emotional information like this is a great way to help your reader really connect with your characters.
-Cat
Hi Kaylee! I read all of the stories from your storybook. Your introduction caught my attention right away, since I thought the idea of a futuristic Noah was very unique and sounded really cool. I also liked the idea of Noah being a doctor that is very proficient with technology. I liked the titles you used for each part of the story as well as the images that went with them. They give an idea of what is happening in each part, but not so much that all of the story is given away. They are quite fitting overall. I also really enjoyed how you wrote the characters in the story. Noah’s personality seemed appropriate given his profession and the setting. I liked how the story ended as well. It leaves what happens next open to interpretation without making it feel like the story is unfinished. Overall, I thought this storybook was great. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Kaylee!
ReplyDeleteYour story book was one of the few that I actually saw because most of the work in this class I've seen, including my own, has been portfolios! I think your work is very well done for many reasons. The theme of the story book is so consistent even with the font, layout, and pictures (especially so with the pictures) that you have chosen to tell your stories. When you speak of Dr. Noah in the beginning of the story book, I recognized immediately that he would be the star of this show and towards the end of it I realized I knew a lot more about the character than I ever though possible! Great job in creating a character that has enough depth to where the reader can tangibly see him. Overall, I thought this project was excellent and that the ending was perfect! I am grateful to have stumbled upon your storybook via randomizer!
Hey Kaylee!
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time reading through your storybook which kind of surprised me since it's so late in the semester. Nevertheless I thought you put it together fantastically. I read the flood story very early on in the semester so it was refreshing to see it again here at the end, especially with your modern twist. I thought the parallels you drew to the original were very creative and I enjoyed the scientific nature they had. There wasn't anything I found particularly hard to follow in any part of your storybook but I might suggest adding an adventure aspect to the "Leaving the Bunker" part. I think it would be interesting to see Dr. Noah and his friend encounter some sort of danger or new life while exploring for the first time outside of the bunker. While everything flowed really smoothly I think it always catches the reader's interest to add something that jars them out of the regular story rhythm every once in awhile. Overall, great writing here!